The day after

Yesterday I have started bloggining and only one person knows about it. That is my boyfriend. On our second date I have told him that I had severel pshychotic episodes but I have never ever told him the name of my diagnosis.

Even after twenty years the F20 Paranoid schizofrenia sounds horrible even to me. My boyfriend is very smart and I believe that he knows the truth. The thing is that from the first day of our aquintance he accept me for who I am and not as a person with mental issues.

Sometime he jokes about me. He is electrotechenical ingeneer and he believes that our world and everything around us is a program of some not very talented child alien in primary school. For him I am a bug in that program.

As a matter of fact he never saw me ill because I a, doing quite well for the last ten years (with him I have been for seven). before ten years in 2006 psychatrist changed my therapy and I ended in hospital beacause they said that only pill I need is Zeldox. That was not true and they gave minumum dose of Haldol, and some carbomezapine and dyasepam. This is my therapy for the last decades and it works for me. On the outside I am just as another person but if you get to know me closer you would notice that I am more sensitive than regular population and that I am different in many ways. Some for the good, some for the bad.

Pills are my friends. There were times they blocked my brain completely but I have learned how to improve that and for the time being my brain is on 70% what it uused to be before illness. This is a lot because more or less I had 7 psysotic episode, and I started all over my life again for seven time. Episode means that I practily ruin my life completely and only people who really care acbout be (my family) stay by my side. For years I kept my condition as a secret which was not diffucult beacause in remission I look as a normal person. I also managed to preserve my knowledge and I admit with lots of difficulties I am able to learn some new staff.

I have my driver licence which is quite accomplisment with a very strict heath rules  about drivers in my country. I speak more or less three foreign languages. I am familiar with accounting. I am very open minded and I have patience. Feelings are still here and I nourish them as a very expensive sensitive plant. There were some failures but about them another time.

I will type soon.

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