Bad mouth
Although it is Sunday I woke up quite early. Actually before six o’clock in the morning. By now I have already walked the dog, have had some coffee, and attended a Sunday mass. In an hour I am going to my friend’s N. house to talk to him and his mum.
A friend of mine recently told me that I am always either walking, working, or praying because I am an “action” kind of person. This is very true. I try every day to fill in with different activities to avoid thinking too much about myself, illness, life.
When I recently went to psychotherapy I was forced to deal with schizophrenia not just for myself but also to listen to others with similar problems. My wellbeing has worsened in that time. I am still not able after almost 30 years of living with schizophrenia to dwell on my past or to listen to hardships of others with similar diagnosis.
Is also now a lent time. I have to change my behavior because of my reckless talk. I almost lost someone who is very important to me and my life altogether. It is not “schizophrenia’s” fault. It was a fault of my character where I did not choose words carefully to tell the and advice of the topic.
I might have the best intentions in the world but from my mouth comes unredacted truth and very tough words. I had to apologise, but even when I did it I did not do it properly. I have thought a lot about my behaviour for the last two days. I realised that I have to change myself – meaning speak less, not accusing anybody and listen better to others. And foremost be kind and supportive to others.
Schizophrenia report: a constant urge to go to the toilet today.
Type soon.
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